Tuesday, 23 October 2012

What I Say and What He Hears


So husband of the year gets home at 7pm last night, about 15min after me.  I’ve already started dinner and the tribe are doing an amazing job of ignoring my requests to do homework, stop fighting, pretty much anything at all I’ve asked them to do since we walked in the front door.

Because it was getting late I thought the smart thing to do would be to get husband of the year to sort the boys out.  Now as we all know husbands don’t have the ability to assess a situation and react.  In other words they aren’t able to think “okay, it’s getting late – my beautiful wife is cooking dinner, I’ll pop upstairs and get the boys showered and organised”.  Oh no, that’s not possible, their brain is simply thinking “mmmmm, beer”, and probably other things we won’t mention here.

As a result, I thought I did a pretty good job of explaining to the hubster what was required.  “Hey, can you pop upstairs and get the boys sorted, get them in the shower etc, while I finish getting dinner ready”




What he obviously heard was “Boys are upstairs, why don’t you ask them to hop in the shower and then grab a beer and piss off outside to stare at the leaves in your swimming pool while the boys then waste 20min worth of water, fight, smear toothpaste all over the carpet, scream, fight some more, and let the whole neighbourhood know a crazy person has moved in next door because all they can hear is me screaming the house down for someone to have a freakin’ shower!!!!!!!!”


Twenty minutes later when said crazy person (that would be me) starts screaming at the husband to get his arse back inside I am faced with a blank stare and words like “What, what have I done?”.  I swear I wanted to smack him across the head.

The fact that he has walked back inside to absolute chaos pretty much guarantees world war 3 is about to break out.  Sure enough husband of the year can be heard screaming at the boys, “what are you doing?  Now I’m in trouble cause you lot weren’t in the shower.  Why are you still dry, have you even had a shower?  Why is there toothpaste all over the floor, blah, blah, blah, blah”  If the neighbours had any doubt about the crazy family next door they don’t any more.

Whilst all this was going on I simply breathed in, breathed out and visualised a large glass of ice cold bubbles, thinking to myself if husband of the year had simply “popped upstairs and sorted the boys out for 10min” all the pain and suffering that followed could have been avoided. 

Again, because sometimes I think his brain literally doesn’t work, he honestly struggled to grasp this concept. Argh!!! I swear I live in a zoo full of monkeys!!!  Help me!!!!  

Amanda 




11 comments:

  1. Men! Can't live with em, can't live without em!!
    #teamIBOT

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  2. They can't think rationally. It has taken me 10 years to finally get my husband to get the kids ready for bed while I do the dishes after dinner. Finally he will get up most of the time without even trying to chat back to me.

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    1. I swear sometimes it's like having another child - lol.

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  3. sorry, I did laugh. I know many households where variations on this theme happen! commiserations (and apologies for spelling because I can't seem to type correctly tonight).

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  4. At least I know I'm not alone - lol.

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  5. Oh that does sound frustrating! Thankfully Boatman is really good about things like that. Though he does occasionally get distracted by leaves in the pool....

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    1. Ha ha - what is it about those leaves in the pool......

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  6. My hubby seems to just not 'see' stuff needs doing he says... riight.

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    1. Oh, yep, I get that too....riight....

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