Thursday, 3 May 2012

A Mothers Guilt

I was so unsure if I should share this post - it meant admitting that I failed as a mum this week.

My youngest had an accident on Sunday morning, and while the rational part of my brain knows it wasn't my fault, the part of my brain that I seem to use the most, is racked with guilt. Little Nate is fine, but it could have been so much worse - so much so that I don't even want to think about it.  

He needed a trip to emergency and received 4 stitches to his forehead, but ........again, it could have been worse. I've spent so much of the last few days either in tears or having a sliding doors moment.......if only, if only, if only.  I know it doesn't serve any purpose, it just drives us crazy, but I can't stop it.


Without going into too much detail about what actually happened, for reasons I also won't go into here (you just never know who could be reading this), we are now also faced with an awful decision to make based on what happened. (Let's just say a much loved little pet is involved).

As mums we spend so much of our day in a crazy whirlwind of life, running to appointments, trying to keep the house in some kind of order, making sure everyone has clean undies to wear, that it just feels like sometimes we aren't really there, that we've failed in some way.  I know that's certainly how I feel at the moment.  If I'd been more aware of where he was and what he was doing instead of focussing on the load of washing I had to put on, maybe it would never have happened.  


See, it's that non-rational part of my brain taking over again.  I know in time this will be notched up to another one of those childhood accidents, like falling off a bike, or getting hurt during the footy game, and his injury will heal till there is nothing left but a tiny scar. Until then, I just have to try and deal with it as best I can. 

Amanda

3 comments:

  1. Oh sweetheart, I get this... any Mama, would get this. But please don't beat yourself up too much. It's the nature of children to have accidents, to get sick, to do flighty, silly, unpredictable things. There is no possible way of protecting them from everything. The main thing is that your little one is Ok, scars and breaks heal... as one of seven children myself, I know this only too well. Big hugs xo

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    1. Thank you so much for your beautiful comment

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  2. Some things about parenting is so darn difficult!
    I remember like yesterday all the times my kids have had a serious accident or been seriously unwell.. and even now.. years later... I replay those things and wonder what I could have done differently to prevent them.

    I know logically that sometimes things happen that you can't predict, that you can't prevent... but knowing it and accepting it are two different things. Be kind to yourself...

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