Thursday, 29 December 2011

Another Christmas Gone - Another Family Disaster

Ever feel like you are just sinking under a giant pile of you know what?

Well, that's exactly how I feel at the moment.  I look at other families and I think, wow, what a wonderful life they have.  Everyone seems so happy and so loving.  It's just that perfect picture of happy families that we all strive to achieve.  And then there is me and my seriously dysfunctional family that doesn't even come close to that happy picture.



As many of you know I lost my brother to suicide last year.  It was the worst time of my life.  Something I honestly thought I would never ever EVER have to live through.  It was something I never thought I would ever have to face in a million years.  Obviously I was completely wrong.

I seriously hope I don't sound completely heartless when I say this but as a result of my gorgeous brother's death, my mother has now become completely unbearable.  And I mean unbearable.  As in, I seriously can't deal with her any more. 



I hate airing dirty laundry for all to see and read, but then you know what.......I think of what a wonderful supportive community of mummy bloggers are out there and I think, it's okay.  They won't judge me.  They will listen, and although they don't know me, they actually care about me.  And for that, I thank you.

As it stands, as at last night, apparently I no longer have a mum.  But that's okay.  Because I have a truly wonderful mother in law who has faced hardships and issues that no one should have to face.  And she loves me for who I am, and most importantly, she doesn't judge me.  She is just there for me.

I won't bore you all silly with what caused me to longer have a mum, needless to say, I can no longer deal with the martyr-dm that is my mother and the way she deals with things.  Please don't misunderstand me.  I know she has lost a son.  And she lost a beautiful, talented, amazing son, but I'm still here.  I'm still right in front of her.  I have given her three beautiful grandsons, all-be-it slightly feral ones at times, but that's boys for you isn't it?

I don't know if mum and I can salvage a relationship after what has just happened, and that is something I will have to live with, but I can't go on the way things are. 
The person I feel most sorry for is my beautiful Dad.  He's such a quiet un-assuming man, and he tolerates so much.  He, like my brother was, is an intellectual, a physicist to be exact.  Me, well I love watching trash TV like the Kardashians so I know I don't have his genes - LOL.  But at the same time I know he loves me, and he just shakes his head in humour at the fact that I don't have the ABC network on my radar.  Although I have to admit, he has threatened to write me out of the will on more than one occasion for my love of the Collingwood Football Club, something I can't help I'm sorry, black and white thru and thru I am.

I suppose out of all of this, what I'm trying to say, is just be you.  Be who you are and don't make apologies for that.  Because at the end of the day, you are only answerable to yourself, and if you can live with that, then you must be doing okay.
Amanda
xxx

Photos courtesty of www.pinterest.com & www.thestickerfamily.com.au

6 comments:

  1. Oh Amanda - this breaks my heart to read. I am so sorry you no longer have a relationship with your Mum and sorry it had to come to a head at what is supposed to be a happy family time.

    I do believe you have done the right thing. Some relationships (even those that are the closest) can become so toxic that our need for self preservation must kick in and we need to remove ourselves before we lose our own sense of self.

    I have a fractured relationship with my own mother and mainly see her for her sake of my children.

    I hope you and your Dad can still manage to find a way to spend time together and that your relationship with him remains as wonderful as it sounds.

    Melissa

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  2. Thank you so much Melissa for your beautiful words - it really means a lot to me.

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  3. I'm so sorry to hear about your break with your mum, grief can affect people in many ways and unfortunately seems to have badly strained your relationship. I hope you always know that you have a lot of love surrounding you and a lot of people who are just a phone call away. It's ok to lean on others in times like these. Sending lots of love your way xxx
    Kylie

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  4. Amanda, you know how much we love you, all of us do.....we will always be here for you, wish we could be there to give you the biggest of hugs. I am sure your mum cannot see through her own hurt to see how you are hurting.I am sure things will be OK a little bit further down the track.I am always here if you need a love and a talk. A million hugs and kisses, Mum Bulty and all the family

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  5. Hi Amanda,

    The biggest, warmest virtual hugs your way. And when I say biggest & warmest, I mean, the biggest, & THE warmest.

    I'm a nurse, & work in mental health. I have counselled SO SO so many families through suicide & its impact on families. And my god, it's devastating.

    You are not selfish, or unloving for saying that about your Mother.

    There are two types of people in the world;

    Victims,
    & survivors.

    Your Mum needs to stop being a victim, & start being a survivor of your brother's suicide. I really, truly hope she can do that, in order to salavage her relationship with you.

    Oh, & P.S - don't ever feel discouraged by looking at photos of picture perfect, happy families.

    They're just photos :)

    Noone ever takes a photo of a domestic dispute, or their husband stumbling in at 4am after a massive night out etc. lol.

    So much love your way sweetheart,

    SO MUCH LOVE xx

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  6. Sorry to hear that things aren't going well with your mum. Family relationships are strange things sometimes. It's a big thing your family is going through with your brother's suicide so don't judge yourself or your mum too harshly. She has to get through this her own way and unfortunately you're right in the midst of the fallout.

    I hope things improve for her soon and she can learn to live in the present to appreciate what she still has - a wonderful daughter and beautiful grandchildren. My mum never met a single one of her grandchildren - six beautiful children she never met. I wish I could give her the gift of time to enjoy them but I can't, so it saddens me to think that your mum is missing out on enjoying what she has.

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